Journal Entry for July 1st

If I write nothing more than the date today, it would be a novel in comparison to what I have been writing for the past year. Maybe it has to do with the birth of my beautiful baby daughter. Maybe it has to do with a change in location, vocation and phone number. Maybe it’s because after a 3 year draught, I finally got cable back and I’ve been ravenously consuming network television shows at the rate of a 12 stepper set loose at the Jim Beam distillery, not to mention the inordinate amount of time that I’m wasting on Facebook on a daily basis. Maybe I’m avoiding that sense, that tiny twinge of personal failure because I haven’t written anything in so long that I just give up. Maybe it’s a combination of all those things deterring me from having a thought of any significance. In any case, there is no excuse. There is no excuse for not keeping my brain in shape.

Perhaps there was something to promising all the people I knew on my old blog that I’d keep writing. A reasonable promise for most people, but for someone who is more communicative with his hands (Italian heritage, can’t avoid it), and who’s usually mum on pretty much everything, it’s a herculean task. I’ve always had a habit of going over my head and biting more than I can chew; kind of like Icarus…

“Hey Dad! Look at me, I can fly all the way over weeeeeeeeeee……*thud*

At present, I am at work or what’s passing for work these days. Which is to say, I’m actually writing this in a journal to be transferred later to a digital format. The job I’m currently at frowns on employees using their equipment for other than its intended use. You can’t even check your personal email. The jobs that followed since felt the same way. Actually, now that I think about it, I shouldn’t criticize my job too much…despite the application of direct digital application, I can still feel like I’m getting away with blogging at work. A few years ago, I used to do my best blogging in the daytime while my mind was still fresh and active. Unfortunately, work often interfered with that back then too. Nowadays, any writing that I do is delegated to weekends, after dinner and kids have been put to bed. Which means I type two sentences, check my email, get distracted by Facebook and porn then go to bed.

I used to blog at work, now I don’t. I would have been okay with this, except that I’m developing a habit of falling asleep during the day at my job. This job is dreadfully BORING! And what’s worse, there is nothing to aspire to, or work towards. No raises or promotions. No corner office to covet or company perks to indulge in. My job requirements are to basically fill a seat for eight hours and not much else.

Boring….

Boring…..

Boring……

….nap time…

wash, rinse…repeat.

Monotonous and redundant tasks with little no human interaction or stimulation makes Jack a drunk boy. The work has gone past the point of simplicity to where I need to find other mundane tasks to keep my hands busy and to prevent me from crawling under the desk and take a nap until lunch.

I render discarded paper into smaller pieces of scratch paper. It works, for the most part. After a while, I run out of paper and my fingers start hurting. But at least I stay awake…for a while…until I go back to staring blankly at a computer screen. And then I wait for my pulse to eventually drop and my eyes to slam shut with the force of a garage door off its track. What makes the whole situation worse; what makes it entirely inevitable that I’m going to curl up into a ball on the floor like some Kindergartner with a belly full of graham crackers, is that around the time that I would be ingesting said snackies is the time where the entire system decides it wants to take a nap and starts acting sluggish; mimicking my own attention span and hypnotizing me into nap time.

I have been losing the battle of the sleepies for weeks, until it occurred to me that I can bring my trusty, analog journal to work. Sometimes when there is no more paper to render, I write down ideas or pieces of dialogue that inspire or things I’d like to explore on YouTube, and that seems to keep me awake for a while longer. Eureka! Now I can go back to blogging at work, only more surreptitiously! Now my mind is freed up and the urge to sleep is a memory. Almost.

Ahh…Now that I have that out of the way, I’d like to put a pledge into writing.

Since I’ve made it a lifelong habit of biting off more than I can chew, I want to go on a mental diet. No more promising to crank out something that just isn’t there. No more setting imaginary deadlines for myself. Make the sense of urgency still exist, but instead of placing it on the action of finishing something, fold it into the process itself, therefore making the process more enjoyable. It should have gone to the energy of actually writing something down. Stop making promises to present something within a short window when other priorities abound, like the well-being of children. DO write down anything that comes to mind, no matter how small. Ideas need to be fleshed out. Words need to come out and play.

Current thought:

  • They should really consider getting better chairs in here. Right after they fix the AC, get a better server and train the managers on how not to pass the buck and take some initiative and leadership skills, I’m sure they’ll have the funds allocated for them and they’ll make it happen.
  • Facebook needs to chill the hell out. Specifically, some of the users need to get a life. Namely, me. Facebook is not the center of the universe. It’s just a site and most of the people on it are dead boring. Time to move on.
  • It might be time to switch to a new blog service (editor’s note: this was going to appear on another blogging service, but I have kind of fallen out of love with it, and I found this site. So far, so good).
  • It might be time to find a new job.

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